It's Life!

People say… I know myself… if you do, can you disassociate yourself when you want to solve a problem from the surroundings & solve it objectively…
If you know yourself well… your internal being, your reactions, actions… you can do that… you can actually detach yourself, disassociate yourself from that situation… even though you are in the middle of it… you can still internally detach & react to it objectively, just in the same way you would have if you were thinking about it being away from its surroundings… when alone & in a dark room…
You can obviously be objective when you are alone, when you are in quietness, when no ones disturbing you… but why is always so difficult to think when there is noise?
You want to be alone to detach…. But then that doesn’t mean you could internalise your feelings… you are not emotionally intelligent enough to understand exactly what you go through… because if you understood exactly what you are going through when you were faced with the problem, when there was commotion around you, when there was noise, when there were people, when there were objects around then that’s knowing yourself…

Knowing yourself is detachment inpsite of the mess around… not detachment when alone!

Can you become the third person to yourself when you are already between people???
You wait for people to go because you think once everyone’s gone; I will get the space to think… why??? That’s what the point is… you are not capable enough to think the same way when you are surrounded as compared to the way you would think when you are alone…
Why do you need the support of loneliness? Or that state of darkness to think…
Why cant you detach when there are 10 people talking, when you are being called 10 times for work, when you have loads of other things to think… that’s the whole concept of detachment… you are not able to do that!!! Right! And if u can… you have reached the stage above others…
People crave for silence when they want to concentrate, when they want to think, when they want peace… why is peace defined that way… peace = silence, calmness…
Peace could also mean detachment…
Everyone wants to go to a hill station to relax… to a cool, calm place where there is no noise, there is no worry, there is no tension….
When you sleep at night, you are at peace, because you are out of worry… that’s a beautiful state to be in… but why take it as a thing to rely on, to depend on…
You depend on silence to think objectively…
Dependence!!! Once again dependence!!! The belief… here is the dependence…
We are not exercising the internal power… we have the powers to detach… but we want to depend on silence for it… we want to hamper that state of relaxation… that state of re-energizing but leaving it for thoughts which were left unsolved when in crowd!
Why cant silence, sleep & peace just be... why do they need to be disturbed... why is their support always required... cant we just be detached... whenever, wherever... without waiting... waiting for the moments of silence...!

To associate to the problem, to the situation, to the people and then disassociate from all everything except the core issue… and all this when you are already occupied, already among people, already within the mess…. & when you know you can do that… you know yourself!!!

Wondering whether Conscience exists???
Do individuals, humans have it or its just theory that every living being has a conscience?
23 years of my life I have lived with the thought that each one has a conscience and it pricks!!! It pricks when u do something like to cheat, to steal. Everyone has different thoughts on ethics… right and wrong… moral and immoral… ethical and unethical… every individual lives with different ideologies of their own, the thought process varies vastly and so does the definition of right and wrong. I don’t say I want to change the way people think… everyone’s right and everyone’s wrong… I cant change the way each person on this earth thinks… all I ask and want to know is whether this power called conscience exists in each of us and if it does why does it sleep when u know what u are doing is not right. It may benefit u, it may benefit others, it may do good… but I wonder how far… how far and how long will the good part of it remain… one day or the other when this power called conscience or the voice within speaks… which it will… what will the consequence be??? Will it destroy u which I think it doesn’t… coz the netas of the world, the corrupt people of the world… does anything wrong actually happen to them… I don’t think anything or anyone is affected… how can that happen.. is my question… how can the conscience never wake up and still do no harm in ur life…

why? I ask why? Why is it that, that the person who thinks it was wrong is always on a crossroad… always has to suffer more coz of the thought… why is it that it disturbs the person whose conscience is clear when he sees that what happened wasn’t right… what definition he has about the right is obviously not the same as of the person who did that thing…
People forget… good times spent… how does that happen is what I am not able to understand… and also why does that happen??? Suddenly u become so unimportant in that persons life for whom someday u were life. Is it that expectations are rising or its that people don’t need people for long. Everything is materialistic… everything comes with an expiry date whether it’s a conscience, a relationship or just a medicine…
Every bloody thing has an expiry date!

Everything around seems so corrupt, filled with disgust… suddenly u feel u r trapped…
I used to agree with the sentence… “U need to be in the system to change the system”… but changing a system means changing individuals… why would anyone change for me??? However big or small I may be in life… how much ever power or no power I have in life… the question remains the same… why would anyone change for anyone???
Respect, love, trust… all these words suddenly seem like rubbed with black paint all over and all u realise is nothing exists except materialistic needs… everyone wants to be famous, everyone wants credit, everyone wants to be known… y??? Y is all that so important??? People take credit for the work they don’t do, people lie, people steal, people bluff, and all the things that makes the world a worst place to live… y do I need to live among this disgust… among living objects… yes… objects… coz materialism makes them everyone objects… coz they forget what mattered, what’s called an inner voice… they just forget everything…
I cry, I shout… but can I do anything more??? Coz I realise the people around is all my own world, my own country, my own city, my own locality… where we live becomes ours… the country, the world, the universe, the solar system… everything is ours then why cant we do anything good to it… u add to corruption by just not doing any good too… by supporting corruption… there is fear, there is anger, there is tremor when u see something which the voice within u disapproves… what do u do about it.. either u accept whats happening or u ignore it or u raise a voice… which ultimately doesn’t get heard coz everyone around appears deaf to the voice u raised… coz of the big power called “ ego “… which comes in between… y should ” I “ agree to that other voice… I have my own… I want to be recognised in my own way… why should I listen… why should I even think I am wrong… how can I be wrong…??? This thought and it’s all over…. The voice which thought of shouting ultimately subsides coz he gets no support at all…
What is the outcome… some people mock, some people make money out of it by making some film or writing a book or making a serial… in short converting it into a joke! A joke which is talked for a while and forgotten… a life becomes a joke! A relationship becomes a joke! A conscience becomes a joke!... all u need to do it laugh! Laugh on the pain!
And then what happens is wait till the next joke it out….
Life… existence… conscience becomes a joke…
And suddenly the feeling comes… just leave it… just forget it… get detached… just ignore… bloody move on!!!
And move on to a new life filled with more of corruption… more of right wrong dilemmas, crossroads… and decisions….!

Freaking… where was I in all this… just a lost human… just a lost living object… who didn’t get what I thought could happen…
Castles of thoughts are buried…

Is conscience powerful enough or what that hell is it???
Why doesn’t it wake up at the time it should and prick the human so hard that he never gets that wrong thought again… to lie, to cheat, to steal, to bring suffering to others, to hurt others, to forget the good, to just bring pain to everything around!

Does conscience have any powers or it’s just a dead soul within which never questions the things called trust, integrity, honesty, commitment, dedication, love???

Just thinking… where am I??? Is it worth living or what??? Or what??? Or what???