It's Life!

Every dark tunnel has light at its end!!!
Its the wait.... sometimes feels like the darkness is gonna end very soon, the light is jus round the corner... and sometimes feels like its the long long tunnel which will take some more time for the light, but it doesnt seem like its never ending!... coz light exsists at its end!
Its just the wait in this tunnel which consumes up all the energy, pulls you down till u r dead, gets you on your knees, kills you till you are ready to give up coz the pain is unbearable!
Its the fight with the wait!
But its the way to go... to see the light... to smile once again when the light will fall on the face!
Can see possibilties, can see brightness, can see the world singing once again, can see the feet dancing away to unstoppable cheer... can see it all... when I see the light in the eyes of my faith!
The warrior and the soldier, both are on the battlefield called life... yeah! fighting... sometimes with strenght, sometimes in pain, sometimes with a smile, sometimes bruised yet not dead, sometimes with the black spidy dress, sometimes injured, sometimes bang on... right there!!!
The darkness will fade off and the light will take over... It has to... it has no option but to! :)
coz... Every dark tunnel has light at its end!

Coincidently listening to this song right now and feels as if its a line tailor made for this blog!...
Ruk jaana nahi tu kahi haar ke...
kaato pe chal ke milenge saaye bahar ke....!!!

Wrote one blog, but by mistake touched the power button of the machine so everything went off & it didnt even get saved as draft :( ... dont know whether writing the same thought again will be the same... I guess not! rather obviously not... in fractions of seconds thoughts evolve... they get better then wat it was in the last second... and so will this blog, it will be better than wat got erased!
My previous blog was filled with negativity but today I am breathing again! Smiling again!
In the words of Landmark... was touched, moved and inspired by a moment I lived yesterday which made me breath again, live again! I give this credit to someone who did make this difference in just a day... in just a moment!
It was easy to be trapped in resignation, cynicism, resistance, negativity coz all I had were blinkers on! No trust, no confidence, no will power, no strenght, no power! Had got comfortable in this feeling of devastation. Was stuck, stagnant, frustrated, helpless and negative!
Till I realised... I still havent quit.
Everything seemed uphill and the only way out which looked easy and appealing was to give up, was to quit! But I didnt! didnt want to! Was hit and hurt but didnt quit!
Just one day... and everything was back!
Trust, confidence, power, strenght, respect... Hope & faith which was there within got all of them back!
Realised the value of freindship and love... It existed, it was always there but I didnt understand its connect untill now! Never knew the power this word "Freind" has!
As I was writing... this man whom I look up to was sitting beside and reciting a story... Heard it and felt one more door opening up... He said... Once you come out of it, you see the whole world out there and you see there is so much more to it then wat you had till now! Ya the risk is high, coz at every step you will feel like quitting and going back from where you came but if you keep moving only then you will realise that it was worth living so much more than just the 4 walls! btw... this man who was saying this story was Sirjee! and thats wats happening... now that I am out of the well... just like the frog in his story, who was stuck in the four walls of the well... I see that there is soo much more than just that well which is awaiting me to see it, expereince it, live it!
Read this piece somewhere which is like apt for the moment -
"The world ain’t all sun shines and rainbows...... its a very mean & nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it'll beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.......You, me and nobody is gonna hit as hard as life, but it ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.... how much you can take and keep moving forward....."
Learnt from my yesterday that... Happiness wasnt called for, I had not expected it, I didnt know that I would have that moment of feeling of the top of the world, but I welcomed it... enjoyed it! lived it!
Then why so much of resistance towards the sad moments... obviously even they arent called for, they arent expected... but those moments also come. They make you feel like the worst thing on earth and you feel like the world is toppling on you as if you are the biggest looser. We ask... why me? why is all this happening to me... etc etc... the feelings of pity, blame and helplessness is so high that you dont see the picture behind it... which is clearly your way to get out of it. Its blocked, stuck. But once you welcome it, you fight it out! Persistence, Patience, Determination... Its easier said then done! But when you hold on to them... only then you see the world opening up the way you desired or rather much better than you even imagined!
You are obviously going to be hit... tuffer times than these will come... but I know now that I will move along with it!
The soldier is ready to get on to the battle once again... coz its equiped with its army, its armour... its fellow collegues who gives it cover fire are its hope, faith, strenght, confidence, determination, trust, love, freinds and positivity!
Yep... The soldier is ready to fight again... Its ready to see tuffer times...
It will not resist it now... it will welcome it... and then fight them too! Just like it enjoys the happy times, it sings and laughs and blushes and loves in the happy moments... it will move and flow in the tuff times too! Its got its backbone back!
Rock on... yet again... ready to conquer all thats in the thoughts!!! :)
Love Life... its worth dieing to live it! :)

Even the army doesnt need an injured soldier then what is the attitude all about?
Soldier is the word, the icon, the idol, the power, the face, the meaning i gave to a whole lot of my emotions which i didnt want to define. Woke up to fight everytime I fell when I saw the face of this solider in me. Probably it was just an attitude... a mere illusion of my thoughts!
Realised yesterday... when this freind told me that when a solider gets injured in the army even he has to go to get allright before he can fight again. Never thought of it that way... coz my illusion said that a soldier never stops! never halts! never rests! never gives up!
Reality struck that moment and wondered... is it time I woke up to the real face?
Does that mean... escaping isnt possible anymore. Its not just me alone now... Its a responsibility! cant escape from confronting? cant escape questions which are staring at me with concerened eyes? Does that mean... my expectations need to halt? Is the expectation high or I really dont deserve enough?
Been a loner, been an identity which doesnt fit in the new shoes that I chose to wear! Questions are raised and answers are demanded... not used to it! its uncomfortable! it makes me restless... coz it matters! matters to only the two... sharing a responsibility! it demands dropping my lone adamancy! it demands dropping the me in us! it demands and i give in! Slowly... but yes I give in!
Who matters more at the end of the day?
The injured solider yet adamant or the fighter yet made happy!
Dont want to be the injured solider who cant fight... dont have the patience to wait to get allright! Feels powerful to be on the field... facing! living! dieing! but not escaping any more!
Just some thought and I hit it well...
Yet the soldier m proud of... the real one!

Wondering whether Conscience exists???
Do individuals, humans have it or its just theory that every living being has a conscience?
23 years of my life I have lived with the thought that each one has a conscience and it pricks!!! It pricks when u do something like to cheat, to steal. Everyone has different thoughts on ethics… right and wrong… moral and immoral… ethical and unethical… every individual lives with different ideologies of their own, the thought process varies vastly and so does the definition of right and wrong. I don’t say I want to change the way people think… everyone’s right and everyone’s wrong… I cant change the way each person on this earth thinks… all I ask and want to know is whether this power called conscience exists in each of us and if it does why does it sleep when u know what u are doing is not right. It may benefit u, it may benefit others, it may do good… but I wonder how far… how far and how long will the good part of it remain… one day or the other when this power called conscience or the voice within speaks… which it will… what will the consequence be??? Will it destroy u which I think it doesn’t… coz the netas of the world, the corrupt people of the world… does anything wrong actually happen to them… I don’t think anything or anyone is affected… how can that happen.. is my question… how can the conscience never wake up and still do no harm in ur life…

why? I ask why? Why is it that, that the person who thinks it was wrong is always on a crossroad… always has to suffer more coz of the thought… why is it that it disturbs the person whose conscience is clear when he sees that what happened wasn’t right… what definition he has about the right is obviously not the same as of the person who did that thing…
People forget… good times spent… how does that happen is what I am not able to understand… and also why does that happen??? Suddenly u become so unimportant in that persons life for whom someday u were life. Is it that expectations are rising or its that people don’t need people for long. Everything is materialistic… everything comes with an expiry date whether it’s a conscience, a relationship or just a medicine…
Every bloody thing has an expiry date!

Everything around seems so corrupt, filled with disgust… suddenly u feel u r trapped…
I used to agree with the sentence… “U need to be in the system to change the system”… but changing a system means changing individuals… why would anyone change for me??? However big or small I may be in life… how much ever power or no power I have in life… the question remains the same… why would anyone change for anyone???
Respect, love, trust… all these words suddenly seem like rubbed with black paint all over and all u realise is nothing exists except materialistic needs… everyone wants to be famous, everyone wants credit, everyone wants to be known… y??? Y is all that so important??? People take credit for the work they don’t do, people lie, people steal, people bluff, and all the things that makes the world a worst place to live… y do I need to live among this disgust… among living objects… yes… objects… coz materialism makes them everyone objects… coz they forget what mattered, what’s called an inner voice… they just forget everything…
I cry, I shout… but can I do anything more??? Coz I realise the people around is all my own world, my own country, my own city, my own locality… where we live becomes ours… the country, the world, the universe, the solar system… everything is ours then why cant we do anything good to it… u add to corruption by just not doing any good too… by supporting corruption… there is fear, there is anger, there is tremor when u see something which the voice within u disapproves… what do u do about it.. either u accept whats happening or u ignore it or u raise a voice… which ultimately doesn’t get heard coz everyone around appears deaf to the voice u raised… coz of the big power called “ ego “… which comes in between… y should ” I “ agree to that other voice… I have my own… I want to be recognised in my own way… why should I listen… why should I even think I am wrong… how can I be wrong…??? This thought and it’s all over…. The voice which thought of shouting ultimately subsides coz he gets no support at all…
What is the outcome… some people mock, some people make money out of it by making some film or writing a book or making a serial… in short converting it into a joke! A joke which is talked for a while and forgotten… a life becomes a joke! A relationship becomes a joke! A conscience becomes a joke!... all u need to do it laugh! Laugh on the pain!
And then what happens is wait till the next joke it out….
Life… existence… conscience becomes a joke…
And suddenly the feeling comes… just leave it… just forget it… get detached… just ignore… bloody move on!!!
And move on to a new life filled with more of corruption… more of right wrong dilemmas, crossroads… and decisions….!

Freaking… where was I in all this… just a lost human… just a lost living object… who didn’t get what I thought could happen…
Castles of thoughts are buried…

Is conscience powerful enough or what that hell is it???
Why doesn’t it wake up at the time it should and prick the human so hard that he never gets that wrong thought again… to lie, to cheat, to steal, to bring suffering to others, to hurt others, to forget the good, to just bring pain to everything around!

Does conscience have any powers or it’s just a dead soul within which never questions the things called trust, integrity, honesty, commitment, dedication, love???

Just thinking… where am I??? Is it worth living or what??? Or what??? Or what???