It's Life!

Sometimes... Its just one of those days when you want to be left alone... not really though!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u want to say something but say something else!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u know what u r doing though u dont want to know!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u r breaking the illusion u created around u!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u r face to face with wat u kept ignoring till now!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u r flying and drowning at the same time!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u r lost, present yet not there!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u turn deaf to wat u dont want to listen!
Sometimes... It just one of those days when u have this fake smile and a hidden frown!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u knw wat u feel... just exactly & yet cant do a shit about it!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u r fried with feelings, stressed with thoughts & tired of interpreting!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u want to get up and just go away... far away where no one can reach u, from where u cant come back!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u start questioning the things that by default happen everyday like the sun rising!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u r freaked, not handling, going overboard!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u doubt your purpose of existence!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u feel the load heavy, unmanageable!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u want to be ignorant, unaware, not present!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when the drops dont fall off the eyes but remain there as if its their piece of land to live!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u r empty, lone, at peace, inspite of unbearable noise outside!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when ur fingers speak & ur eyes restrict!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u want, u expect, u demand, u think and u drown!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u dont want to give, but want to take!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when the curves on the face talk more than words!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when living the moment is baseless, rather living the life becomes the focus!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when u want to drop the thought, breakfree, create, innovate, live!
Sometimes... Its just a low, a day thats not your everyday!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days when I am me!
Sometimes... Its just one of those days... and its just Sometimes...!!!

Its a turbulence... A chaos... An Uproar right inside the muscular organ which is responsible for pumping blood in the body!
Feel every bit of the tremor and quiver right inside there where voices dont reach, yet there is so much talking!
Lines on my forehead contract with expression when thoughts flow as if it was a waterfall with no obstacles...
I internalise every bit of this tremor... I know every bit of what it is... feels strange, feels weird, feels different, feels strong, feels wow, feels disturbed, feels amazing!
I believe in expression! thats life for me!
The feeling of completeness is expression for me...
whether its drinking a glass of bournvita that mom makes in the morning or drinking 2 glasses of buttermilk in one breath or driving the activa in mad rains when rain falls on my helmet glass and I see through the greenary drooping from both sides of the road... or the intensity in the eyes, the expressions on the faces, the clashes of emotions, the silence which speaks so much, the gestures which dont require words... its all the same... thats life for me!
It brings completeness... which as an expression is my purpose of living!
I Live for this expression... There is a turblence, a clash in my thought process... the rights/wrongs, the can do's, should do's, must do's are always conversing with the cant's.
Wondering... m i too fast in my thought process? does the multiplications and additions happen too fast then required? why doesnt subtractions and divisions happen? isnt this the time... the right time?
I guess I know the way out... yet dealing with the turbluence consumes up all the energy!!!
Am I messing up? am I expecting too much? am I being demanding? or am I just cluttering tooo quickly now!!! haaa... sometimes feel proud at the speed rate of my thought process and my super multi tasking! sometimes feel why the hell do my thoughts multi task so much... it just increases the rate of clutter!
Doesnt take a fraction of a sec for an emotion to change... expereinced it! more than emotion its the decision and choice hiding behind this emotion. Its easy to avoid reaction, to ignore, to give up... whats difficult is to DEAL!!! to wake up... to understand the power our word has.
well... just writing... and dealing... the turbulence!!!
Once again... living the moment!... one moment of chaos... one moment of completeness! one moment of mixed emotions... one moment of staticness! one moment of tears which are just not able to come out... one moment of the curve on the face which is a purpose to live!
Love it... Living it! :)

Just Living the Moment!
Wrote enough of the shit which ran in the mind... Time to give power to my Visualisations!!!
It makes dreams reality!... Living each moment ... sulking, dancing, singing, smiling, yelling, caring.... just expressing!
Its 3:58 AM... enjoyed the ice tea and cheese balls, hearing to some of the latest favorites, working on some excels to not leave anything pending, jus present in the moment!
No more of the fear! Fear of self! Just getting out of implusion!
There is this magnetic power pulling... flowing with the moment.... living it!
Wearing the shoes of madness, of the child ego state which is my dominant one in TA, which is what makes me who I am, which is what makes me smile once again!!!
A freind said to me... Dont sympathize, just kill urself, get out of u! Tuff to dissassociate... Guess I just didnt want to do it! I am present... why do I dissassociate then! but guess I just got a different way to deal it... droping the thought process out which brought the repulsiveness.... picking up that magnet... the contagiousness of the smile, the ripple effect it has on the enviornment, the calmness it brings within!!!
Another freind asked... Living for time being or Living for a life time?... Only then the difference dawned on to me... but then thought a moment... and realised...
Moments take time and time makes a life time... will live each moment as if its the life time!
Just living for the moment! Its beautiful... Just got enriched!!! : ) Thanks to the power of expression! :)