It's Life!

Its this wave I see, I feel, I hear, I sense...
call it generation wave 24-25...
Its when my aged people are in the same boat...
some married, some enagaged, some divorced, some commited, some pregnant, some with kids, some seeing guys/girls for marriage, some preparing for marriage, some fighting it hard with parents for their approval, some preparing for honeymoon... and there are some more...
Some going through the worst phases of their lives... atleast thats what each of us of this generation feel that this is like the worst sitution of our lives...
Its the wave of chosing your partners yourself, taking responsibility of living with those partners instead of leaving it on parents...
Its the wave of waiting, holding on, testing paitence...
My married freind told me... "Relationships r no different... whether married or not... the only difference is that I have a mangal sutra and I physically live with the man I fight with"
Everyone around me, associated to me are going through almost the same time... whether its in terms of relationships or professional lives... have either identified the partner and so trying hard to get him/her, or going through rejections and reuninciations from their partners for the same reasons that everyone has... differences!, or waiting for the partner to come back, or waiting for the parents approval, or waiting to get a life...!!!
Relationship status changes... from unmarried to married, from single to commited, from one sided to both involved... but the emotions dont change... they are the same everywhere... the heart talks its language in the same way...
I dont really believe that marriage is what makes one commit. I live by commitments and stand for it... a maang ka sindoor and mangal sutra cannot force a commitment if they geniunely didnt want to be together... You commit if you want to commit and once you do... thats it!... there is no backing out then.... whether its working, not working, whether there are differences to deal with, fights and misunderstandings, the killer silence therapies or fireworks sounds... you learn to live with it all... coz its your word! your commitment! your stand!
Life looks like a hoax, a joke, a ridiculous game, completely hollow if you then back out from your commitement.
Dealing is obviously the most difficult part of life... easiest is to escape by saying its not working, so let me back out now before it gets too late and we get further involved! How far can you run this way, how many relationships can u escape this way, how far can u run!? how far!? coz one day... will be your day! and you will have to deal with whats there... instead of whats not there!
Reminds me of the dailouge from Runaway bride... though not the exact words but vaguaely... "I gurantee that one day either one or both of us will definately want to get of out this relationship, it will be that tuff... but if we dont get together than I will regret it more than anything else"... Thats exactly what happens... we get into relationships and than cant handle it, cant maintain it and hence get out of it thinking we dont deserve this stress but if we hold on in such times only then we realise there was so much more to it than just seeing the differences!
I look around and feel drained coz I see almost everyone going through this...
On the flip side I feel... its good that all of us in this age group is going through these times together... coz only then we can stand by each other! Not that anyone can reduce anyones pain... each of us has to go through our set of pain ourselves only, no one can exchange their shoes of pain... but what we as together can do is... support to "hold on", support each other to "hold on"!
Guess the key word of this gen wave is "hang on"... "wait for a while"... "be patient"... Let life find its way out itself instead of you trying to push it in a way that it leads to either isolation or destruction!
A freind told me "we loose soo many precious moments to live because we cling to our little ego or state of stuck mind when something doesnt happen the way we wanted"... I realised it over and over again when many a times I saw myself stuck in a situation and once I got out of it, I felt I could have lived it in a much better way... I lost that moment coz I was stuck when I was in it!
When you look back... you just see that soo much of your life could have been lived with so much more cheerness, but when in that situation we couldnt see a possibility beyond it... but now when out of it, you know that you can deal it better, you can create a better possibility when in similar situations again!
Happy to be a part of this gen coz can feel a connect to almost everyone who is going through the same times or happier times or worst times... Its time, to give time, time!
Will fight this wave thats draining our gen completely... will hold on!
afterall... its the choice of living by a commitment made!!!
I am responsible for my commitment! Gonna complete almost a quarter life very soon! Its taken me a quarter life to understand the value of friends, of said words, of what exists!
I acknowledge and thank every individual's contribution to a quarter of my life...!
In some form or the other this gen is touching lives... ready to make a difference! ready to live for a stand! ready to make a wave... ready to hold on! :)
Its true that no one is indispensible... everyone lives, whether someone is along with u or not, u have to live, whether by complusion or by choice, but u live... Mom used to tell me "aangli jal ma thi nikle aane eeni jayga purai jai! - its jus means that put a finger in the water and then get it out... the place that ur finger took is taken by the water and the place is filled"... it just explains how dispensible each of us are... yet we value so much of the existence in our surroundings.
Thats what I call beauty of life!

What the hell!
Yesterday he was sitting on the sofa and today he is in the frame near the sofa!
What does life and death mean!
Sitting in the train… thinking… so many people are here… No one matters to no one… tomorrow if any of us is not there coz is dead today… what difference does it make to any of us here! The train will still come, the station will still be clustered, people will still run… run to race, run for a life!
Life moves on… what a bloody selfish living! What should life move in to! Don’t want to make it move… want to question! Want to shout! Want answers to why on the bloody hell is death? Where does it take away? Away from the moment! Away from the people!
They call it destiny! Mom says “Before time and more than destiny… No one gets and No one will ever get!”
This girl… so young just about to begin a life… her kid so young… and now she is no more! Was that good! What the f***! Cant see any good in any thing happening!
They say... Whatever happens in for the good! Someday we realise it!... Crap! How can this be good... Its good for whom? for the kid? for the husband? for the girl... who had just began her living! what good did it do?
This little girl… lost her mother few years ago and now lost her father! She is roofless now, no one who will look after her, no one who will care! How will she deal with it? What will be her reason to be alive? From where will she get all the power from?
Cant accept death as good! Feel powerless and really helpless when I hear about people leaving forever… death! People have left and got back but this leaving is forever… How muchever you wish for, even if its for a single moment of being together, you wont get it! Coz he’s gone… gone for a non-returnable vacation! They say it was age, he needed a reason to die, so many reasons and justifications to death but the truth remains… now no more!!! No more of him… no more of her! No more of those people who were life yesterday! Tuff to accept… not that anything will change… its happened… its past… its gone and done… but to deal with it today and for the next years is what I want to avoid, I want to ignore… but till how long! Till how long will I not accept! He doesn’t ask for water anymore… he doesn’t call me anymore… he doesn’t care anymore… don’t want to accept that this is it! This is what it will be till someone else says the same things for me! See his frame and feels helpless and powerless. Its not controllable… it’s the only truth of existence! Then what is all this… Why does life have to be an illusion & death a reality! You cant chose it! You don’t want it! It takes away… and none of us want to give away… yourself could be still easy, but someone close… no way! We choose for wellbeing and happiness but what strikes is different! What occurs jus takes away all the things called hope, faith, belief… you want to avoid acceptance… you want to hold on… hold on to what was there… what was life! And to get back to a life… freaks me out!
Life is tuff… and so you wish for death many times not realizing the power it has and how helpless & powerless you are. You are fighting with whom… with time! Who are you to control who should live and who should not live… thats not your job, is that what you can control then whats the point worrying and cribbing! I know there is no point yet cant seem to get that point straight!
I don’t fear death! But I fear death for people in my life!
Loosing a person, a relationship is so deep rooted… cant get enough of the fear of dark! Such bloody selfish thinking… I fear the dark and so I don’t want people to go away coz their going will bring darkness in my life!!! Once again the bloody I and Me!!! You don’t want them to go because you will be affected! Ridiculous & selfish but that’s reality without the mask of looking good!
But Still… Loosing… Freaks me out!!!
Living the moment makes it uneasy!!!

Is it people... or is it feelings and emotions? or its both?
When people enter our lives... they bring along some energy... some feelings, some emotions to our lives... whether its hatred or love... either of them makes a place in our heart! So, is it that person or is it that emotion? coz when time comes... the person walks away leaving behind the emotion... so I guess its the people who are perishable, not the feeling, not the emotion!
What happens? Why it happens?... gets me to think! but it happens... There is an expiry date to everything... a contract, an agreement, a moment, a day and a person! Death is the ultimate to it all... but just before reaching there... there are soo many moments of perishiablity that we go through! We walk away from careers, we walk away from jobs, we awalk away from hometowns, We walk away from lives... are we walking away? or are we walking ahead? again subject to how we percieve! But its quantifiable... yes very much... measure it with the people from whos lives you chose to walk away & you will get its net worth... maybe in terms of value and weight as well! This perishability of a person is understood only when the cycle is complete... you walk out from someones life and then someone walks out from your life!
Looks quite strange but yes there are so many expiry dates we set before we actually reach the ultimatum of expiry!

People matter! Relationships matter more than people! But then there is a dawn of realisation which says... Its not dealing with people or relations... Its dealing with Egos!!!
Took up HR coz what mattered most were the people around! How best can I make someones day, make every person around me smile... got to know thats one of the roles of an HR so took it up! People are obviously there in every function... Finance or marketing... but the strangest & the tuffest part of being an HR is you arent directly involved in anything, yet you are a part of everything! you are the unbiased voice who is ready to take shit for no fault of yours! No one cares who you are, what you feel... what matters is what they feel, what they say! This function is called People development... strange na... you work towards developing people in the direction they want to... these are the people who become so very important in your life... there frowns, smiles, their highs, lows matter to you... yet when you ask them, they think you are artificial! thats when reality slaps on your face & tells you its tuff! All that you are seeing is not true... all that you felt wasnt true either! You question where was the inauthenticity... but all that you find is the strange hollowness in every relation you have with everyone around! thats when incompleteness crops in... & you feel guess m not tailor made for handling a function that probably doesnt involve people... but only Egos!
Was obsessed with behavioral dynamics... wondered about implementing every theory, every new concept learnt in the BD lectures! started relating everything to all the concepts learned... to all the people met! didnt know what was working & wat wasnt... but it was fun! Had loved when Transactional Anaylsis was taught... the amazing understanding of 7 ego states, their transactions, strokes, life positions & so on. But when came face to face with situations... there was this reality check that its only Egos flying around! Ego becomes larger than person! You are dealing with Egos... no matter where you are... they say creative egos are much more difficult to deal, but I think that doesnt matter... coz every person is creative & has an individualistic thought & a craving to be heard & recognised no matter who they are! Thats when the games begin... games & battles of the heart & mind! Always wondered why doesnt Heart & Mind be in sync... are they different??? or its just my way of giving a reason to my inauthenticity & incompleteness! But I do feel the thin line running through my spin which I call weakness when I "feel" & "think" of this battle of feeling v/s thinking & heart v/s mind! If heart is different then mind... then where is the soul???... freak its so easy to complicate thoughts! Guess thats when its easy to dismantle it by a thought someone told me... "Its not what I said, Its what you heard!" so I said what I meant... but you heard just exactly the way you wanted to hear it!
Anyways... enough of BD obession... which will never go... Its my way of living!
Its this sensitive function... which requires tuff people who balance out being sensitive too! Its generally not given a high status... its generally taken for a ride... yet its the magic which brings actualisation too!

Relationships! .. They are the most integral part of every individual. He has many acquaintances each day. He has many relationships around his surroundings. How he deals with each of them depends on them. When a relationship starts it’s the most beautiful thing over on earth. As time passes by relationships have to face its share of lows and highs.
These relationships are so unpredictable. They are so weird. How they start, how they end we can’t even understand. We try to hold on these relationships but we fail. They have so many different shades. They show so many new perspectives of life which an individual cannot explore alone. When relations begin they bring so much satisfaction and excitement with them. They have to go through those phases that will test them. It’s like a fish taken out of water. The way it struggles for its life the same ways relationships have to face such instances where it is tested. Just like a living chicken is put on the stove to be cooked.. Relationships are put on fire. Whether it survives or it destroys or it gets stronger.. that depends on the strength and faith of the relationship. It depends on how much a person can have faith; it depends on the extent to which a person can trust himself and his relationships. It doesn’t work according to the way you plan it. Misunderstandings take the place of understanding. There is a feeling of fear to loose on the relationship, there is insecurity, there is no trust suddenly where once upon a time their was only trust.
Suddenly two individuals change, their attitudes change towards each other. I don’t say that a relation should remain the same as it is started all through its life. But I feel it’s necessary that people realize the worth of every relationship and acquaintance it makes in life. By crying for that relationship you are making it stronger, you are giving that relationship so much importance in your life that you have tears when it’s in trouble. At times relations just don’t work. At one point of time it ends. It doesn’t mean two people couldn’t get along. It just means that the relationship was not meant to be. Instead of suffering in future it makes you strong today. It’s important to get over such relations which are not meant to be. But I don’t understand that when they were not destined to continue then why did they start. May be because that relation had to teach you how to live. Maybe you had forgotten to smile and that relationship came like a power in your life and brought life within you. Since it was a power for a while, it had to leave and therefore it faded away out of your life and then we are left with complaining and regretting. Instead can’t we just learn out of it and thank the power that it taught us how to live instead of criticizing that it left.
Why relationships become our weakness? Why does it make us so weak that we can’t withstand life. Why does it affect a person’s behavior, a person’s life so much? Individuals always need support. They can survive alone. They need to live and to live strangers makes us feel so strong. That also affects us then obviously a long lasting relationship has to affect a person’s emotional balance. Emotionally a person becomes weak when he faces a low in any relationship in life. However strong he may be in every other aspect of life but when it comes to relationships he becomes the weakest. Infact that’s the only stage of life where every individual stands to be equal. Equal in the sense to be weak towards a relationship. It’s a feeling that everyone has to go through. A feeling where a person feels destroyed, helpless and devastated. He feels he is a looser and will never grow up in life. Just another person made so much of a difference in your life that you felt you are not worth anything in life. That’s the power in relationships. Little gestures and expressions of anger, dislike, distrust by one can ruin the day of another one. Why does such distrust come suddenly. Is it that there was never trust. It was just a mask over distrust or maybe it’s the other way round. Trust was the original face and Distrust wore the mask over trust.
We expect to work out relationships as per our condition. We feel we can set rules and limitations for it. We can make it or break it but it doesn’t work that way. Why do we criticize that we had to suffer so much in this relationship, instead cant we just move out and see the same relationship through a different perspective and see that we learnt so much more, we gained much more than loosing.
We set rules and principals but when they pass through the heart they all vanish because nothing can withstand infront of the heart. Afterall it’s only his heart that has the power to let us live then why live according to our brains. Instead live according to what your heart says. Why hold back emotions and analyze it, instead walk on the direction that your heart shows. It’s the heart that binds to strangers in a never ending relationship. It has so much power than why not go according to it!

Strange are these ways of life!
Leave things on fate and time when situations become out of control. But never to loose hope. You need to keep trying your effort on it.
Suddenly, life takes a U-Turn when you don’t even imagine thinking of it. It seems weird to accept what you expected once upon a time. Suddenly, something you always expected starts happening but that happens when you don’t expect it to happen. That’s what God does--- He brings sudden changes, sudden tensions and sudden stress relievers as well.
Life becomes stressful when it has to deal with tensions. And the next moment the tension goes off, the stress is also off-loaded. You are once again ready to face a new challenge.
When relations become stronger, expectations increase. With expectations, desires increase and when these expectations are not fulfilled, tension and stress arises. But we individuals never come out with our stress. We open up saying ‘I expect this from you’ or ‘I wish this comes true’; but when these expectations don’t come true, we never open up. We never say at that time or frankly say to the person that ‘I had expected this but maybe the expectation was too high’. This time, we assume things, perceive it in our way and keep it to ourselves. That’s where we are letting our relationship fall into trouble because we are not opening up our expectations that didn’t come true. By doing this we are not letting the person explain why he/she didn’t fulfill our expectation. Maybe the reason is completely different from what we assume and how we perceive but since we didn’t give a chance to open up ourselves, we created negative feelings in our mind. The tension area becomes fully occupied in mind. But the bottom-line remains same- that we are not ready to open up. We get scared that things will get worse but how will it and why will it?
By not opening up we are giving opportunities for the opposite person to assume things. That person might interpret the situation in a different way and that’s how a misunderstanding gets created. So the root remains that one expects something, that other does not or maybe could not fulfill that expectation. So that person now feels bad and assumes the reasons for his/her expectation not being fulfilled. But these assumptions, he does not confirm by opening up to the other person and because of the assumptions starts behaving in a weird manner with the other. On this changed behavior and attitude the other tries to interpret it in his way of perception; but even he doesn’t try to open up and state his interpretation. So no reason becomes a root reason for a stupid and senseless misunderstanding.
We are human beings. Because of our fear of the occurrence of misunderstandings, we cannot stop or limit our expectations because this is the human nature created by the power that rules individuals. The only thing we can do is not to assume things. Rather than assumptions, its better to confront and get over misunderstandings and misinterpretations. Until the ice doesn’t break, there is no chance that the relationship can get back to normal. It’s the only way relationships work!
Now when finally people open up to each other, they realize that whatever they wasted on assumptions and making wrong notions could have been saved to make the relationship stronger only if they had opened up to each other earlier.
After such misunderstandings, normally, relationships become normal. More of affection and caring happens towards each other. But this in turn develops more expectations and when this fairy tale dreams end, one realizes the truth of relationship. He faces through much more stress than the one before because this time the relationship had been much more intense. The same cycle of misunderstandings repeats!
Thus, it’s better to live in reality and have practical expectations.