It's Life!

What the hell!
Yesterday he was sitting on the sofa and today he is in the frame near the sofa!
What does life and death mean!
Sitting in the train… thinking… so many people are here… No one matters to no one… tomorrow if any of us is not there coz is dead today… what difference does it make to any of us here! The train will still come, the station will still be clustered, people will still run… run to race, run for a life!
Life moves on… what a bloody selfish living! What should life move in to! Don’t want to make it move… want to question! Want to shout! Want answers to why on the bloody hell is death? Where does it take away? Away from the moment! Away from the people!
They call it destiny! Mom says “Before time and more than destiny… No one gets and No one will ever get!”
This girl… so young just about to begin a life… her kid so young… and now she is no more! Was that good! What the f***! Cant see any good in any thing happening!
They say... Whatever happens in for the good! Someday we realise it!... Crap! How can this be good... Its good for whom? for the kid? for the husband? for the girl... who had just began her living! what good did it do?
This little girl… lost her mother few years ago and now lost her father! She is roofless now, no one who will look after her, no one who will care! How will she deal with it? What will be her reason to be alive? From where will she get all the power from?
Cant accept death as good! Feel powerless and really helpless when I hear about people leaving forever… death! People have left and got back but this leaving is forever… How muchever you wish for, even if its for a single moment of being together, you wont get it! Coz he’s gone… gone for a non-returnable vacation! They say it was age, he needed a reason to die, so many reasons and justifications to death but the truth remains… now no more!!! No more of him… no more of her! No more of those people who were life yesterday! Tuff to accept… not that anything will change… its happened… its past… its gone and done… but to deal with it today and for the next years is what I want to avoid, I want to ignore… but till how long! Till how long will I not accept! He doesn’t ask for water anymore… he doesn’t call me anymore… he doesn’t care anymore… don’t want to accept that this is it! This is what it will be till someone else says the same things for me! See his frame and feels helpless and powerless. Its not controllable… it’s the only truth of existence! Then what is all this… Why does life have to be an illusion & death a reality! You cant chose it! You don’t want it! It takes away… and none of us want to give away… yourself could be still easy, but someone close… no way! We choose for wellbeing and happiness but what strikes is different! What occurs jus takes away all the things called hope, faith, belief… you want to avoid acceptance… you want to hold on… hold on to what was there… what was life! And to get back to a life… freaks me out!
Life is tuff… and so you wish for death many times not realizing the power it has and how helpless & powerless you are. You are fighting with whom… with time! Who are you to control who should live and who should not live… thats not your job, is that what you can control then whats the point worrying and cribbing! I know there is no point yet cant seem to get that point straight!
I don’t fear death! But I fear death for people in my life!
Loosing a person, a relationship is so deep rooted… cant get enough of the fear of dark! Such bloody selfish thinking… I fear the dark and so I don’t want people to go away coz their going will bring darkness in my life!!! Once again the bloody I and Me!!! You don’t want them to go because you will be affected! Ridiculous & selfish but that’s reality without the mask of looking good!
But Still… Loosing… Freaks me out!!!
Living the moment makes it uneasy!!!