Completed a quarter of a life today!
Never thought that will have to live a day like today.
Wanted to write soo much. Had thought that on this day I will write about my journey of a quarter but just dont feel like writing at all.
Tough times... hoping they pass away soon!
I wonder how
I wonder why
I wonder where they are
The days we had
The songs we sang together
Oh yeah... And all my love
We're holding on forever
Reaching for the love that seems so far...
Guess these are the effects of nearing a quarter!
Looking back at the quarter of a life...
and really... I wonder how? I wonder why? I wonder where they are... The days we had!
I feel the wetness of the sand under my feet which just became wet coz the sea flew over it...
I breath the freshness of the soil which just got wet coz it rained over it...
I feel the water of the waterfall over my face which makes me feel heavenly...
I fly as I ride my activa which makes me feel free...
Yeah... and I live my memories all over again... which make me stand on my feet today!
Freinds... acquantainces.... crushes... relationships...
Feels like 25 yrs of life is static and I am the only one... walking pass it... as if living it all over again!
The first freind! the first cycle! the first crush! the first competition! the first late remark! the first project! the first team leading! the first stage performance! the first goof up! the first stand! the first decision! and the list goes on...
Just reliving! Hitting the Refresh button again and again!
Its a sinking feel! a strange hollowness as well as completeness as the same time! Contradicting life itself, thoughts itself... feelings itself!
But yeah... as I ride on my activa today at the speed of 77kph! (the maximum I ever reached till now)... I revive life... wonder on the stand I have taken! wonder on my own self... didnt know there was so much strenght hidden within! wonder on the contradictory package deal I chose... utmost strenght to stand along with deep unbearable pain!
Strange... really very strange is this circle of life! Cant understand whats life upto most of the times! There is soo much of it happening in just a short span of quarter of a life... twists, turns, u-turns and just complications increasing at a speed higher than what I ride my bike!
Looking at it as if I was standing still in front of a picture... This picture had me running through this entire span in just a second... and then once again I wonder...
Really...
I wonder how? I wonder why? I wonder where they are?....
The days we have...
The songs we sang together...
Oh yeah... And all my love
We're holding on forever
Reaching for the love that seems so far
So I say it in a breath
Hope my dreams will take me there...
I am sure... my dreams will take me there!!!
There... where I chose to go!
Every dark tunnel has light at its end!!!
Its the wait.... sometimes feels like the darkness is gonna end very soon, the light is jus round the corner... and sometimes feels like its the long long tunnel which will take some more time for the light, but it doesnt seem like its never ending!... coz light exsists at its end!
Its just the wait in this tunnel which consumes up all the energy, pulls you down till u r dead, gets you on your knees, kills you till you are ready to give up coz the pain is unbearable!
Its the fight with the wait!
But its the way to go... to see the light... to smile once again when the light will fall on the face!
Can see possibilties, can see brightness, can see the world singing once again, can see the feet dancing away to unstoppable cheer... can see it all... when I see the light in the eyes of my faith!
The warrior and the soldier, both are on the battlefield called life... yeah! fighting... sometimes with strenght, sometimes in pain, sometimes with a smile, sometimes bruised yet not dead, sometimes with the black spidy dress, sometimes injured, sometimes bang on... right there!!!
The darkness will fade off and the light will take over... It has to... it has no option but to! :)
coz... Every dark tunnel has light at its end!
Coincidently listening to this song right now and feels as if its a line tailor made for this blog!...
Ruk jaana nahi tu kahi haar ke...
kaato pe chal ke milenge saaye bahar ke....!!!
Wondering! Whats the matter?
Man is killing Man!
What for?
Voilence against women, rape, terrorism... what!?
I see this huge zoparpatti from my window... when I am sad I look outside and I see I dont have anything to be sad about as much as the people living in them... there would be some woman getting beaten up, there would be someone stealing from some house, there would be some child abuse happening... and I see my reasons to be sad are too less than everything and everyone around me.
I am lucky... born as a normal human being, no physical or mental disabilities, have a bed to sleep, food to eat, parents who love unconditionally, friends who are there when I almost give up, and yet... I dont understand whats the matter???
I see only pain, only helplessness, only fear in everything, everyone around me...
The whole daam earth... earlier my eyes were limited to think about only my city, then it expanded and became country and then it became the world and now its earth... its the universe... its everything that exists! everything that exists! Love exists and so does pain.
I dont like to smile coz I feel I can feel the pain around... like a bloody fire catching up on the whole same universe... everything that exists!
In this span of life I lived... learnt a lot of things, believed in a lot of things but always wondered... why? whats the matter? what exists?
Is it the "Deeds" that we go around in... dont want to belive on the beliefs, dont want to google, dont want to fear! Fear of what!??? Fear of doing??? Fear of paying up for a deed once done???
Fear of what???
Death... the only truth... Fear of death?... Fear that one day will have to give up pain... one day will have to give up on a day in which could make one more smile... Fear of what???
I say I take responsibility for my life, my decisions, my choices... Really!???
Fear of what??? responsibility??? to live by the choice??? what???
We stick to something, someone... religion... the external forces... so that we can be fearless.... Heard some lady baba saying on tv... if u do this u will get this, if u dont do this u will not get this... everything is bloody negative, conditional.... everything...
and worst worst worst worst part is....
everyone can see it... everyone feels exactly the same way... everyone knows it... and yet... there is Fear!!!
How do u live wit it? what do u let go? living for the sake of living? doing a favor on life? on exsistence? what for?
breakfree... from what??? how long???
Fear creeps in faster!!!
