It's Life!

Wondering! Whats the matter?
Man is killing Man!
What for?
Voilence against women, rape, terrorism... what!?
I see this huge zoparpatti from my window... when I am sad I look outside and I see I dont have anything to be sad about as much as the people living in them... there would be some woman getting beaten up, there would be someone stealing from some house, there would be some child abuse happening... and I see my reasons to be sad are too less than everything and everyone around me.
I am lucky... born as a normal human being, no physical or mental disabilities, have a bed to sleep, food to eat, parents who love unconditionally, friends who are there when I almost give up, and yet... I dont understand whats the matter???
I see only pain, only helplessness, only fear in everything, everyone around me...
The whole daam earth... earlier my eyes were limited to think about only my city, then it expanded and became country and then it became the world and now its earth... its the universe... its everything that exists! everything that exists! Love exists and so does pain.
I dont like to smile coz I feel I can feel the pain around... like a bloody fire catching up on the whole same universe... everything that exists!
In this span of life I lived... learnt a lot of things, believed in a lot of things but always wondered... why? whats the matter? what exists?
Is it the "Deeds" that we go around in... dont want to belive on the beliefs, dont want to google, dont want to fear! Fear of what!??? Fear of doing??? Fear of paying up for a deed once done???
Fear of what???
Death... the only truth... Fear of death?... Fear that one day will have to give up pain... one day will have to give up on a day in which could make one more smile... Fear of what???
I say I take responsibility for my life, my decisions, my choices... Really!???
Fear of what??? responsibility??? to live by the choice??? what???
We stick to something, someone... religion... the external forces... so that we can be fearless.... Heard some lady baba saying on tv... if u do this u will get this, if u dont do this u will not get this... everything is bloody negative, conditional.... everything...
and worst worst worst worst part is....
everyone can see it... everyone feels exactly the same way... everyone knows it... and yet... there is Fear!!!
How do u live wit it? what do u let go? living for the sake of living? doing a favor on life? on exsistence? what for?
breakfree... from what??? how long???
Fear creeps in faster!!!