It's Life!

Last month of the year!... 11 months have gone by already...
The year gone by setting deadlines for each month... n it just passed by without really living it!
This just dawned on!
Imagery that I had formed in all these years about self was of being a solider... to fight from the front n I even thought m fighting now as well...
But today in just a conversation with a friend my eyebrows raised n it ticked in the head...
knock knock... whats up?... who r u?...
n I hear a voice from within saying... "boss... u r an escapist!"...
umm huh! wat! is it!.... yeah!....
what m I escaping from!
from dealing with what life is throwing!!!
oh gosh... can i believe tht!... well yeah!... got to! nothing is real, nothing has meaning... yet!!!!
Going back... it seems took life for granted... looked at every month as a new sunshine of hope to deal with what the start of the year threw on me!
But the darkness only got darker... and so one day... made a choice...
well... I chose to escape!
Everyone except me can see that m escaping... but I even want to be blind to seeing that I am escaping! freaking... its leading no where! Just adding a mile more to darkness...
Took decisions which turned around life upside down... only to realise thats my road to escapism!
Down on knees n can see... m no soldier anymore... no black spidey anymore...
Just a piece of life with a beating heart and some bloody hope!